(EXCERPT FROM "THE WILD ONES"
How we deal with the deepest wounds matters, and there are wounds that do seem to go deeper than others. They go deeper than words of accusation, being rejected, or being passed over. These are the wounds that far too many who experience them never seem to move on from them, but that statistic is changing. I am talking about father wounds, dishonor, and betrayal.
Saul was David’s father-in-law and while Saul started off admiring David, he became extremely jealous of the favor and presence on his life, and Saul sought to kill him.
The next day an evil spirit from God came forcefully on Saul. He was prophesying in his house, while David was playing the lyre, as he usually did. Saul had a spear in his hand and he hurled it, saying to himself, “I’ll pin David to the wall.” But David eluded him twice. Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with David but had departed from Saul (1 Samuel 18:10–12).
Saul represents the fathers, leaders, and figures we all know in life who are meant to champion us, raise us, empower us, and cover/protect us, but because of insecurity, they fall prey to being a Saul in our lives. It’s quite ironic that a parental, spiritual figure that is meant to nurture and enhance the call of God on us can be the greatest threat to it. Many gifted and anointed people I know haven’t survived the Sauls in their lives. They are derailed and assassinated and alienated from their destinies.
People ask me this question all the time: Then if Sauls can be so destructive, why does God allow them? Firstly, you must remember that what is a “Saul test” to the Davids, is a “David test” to the Sauls. When we deal with a leader who acts as a Saul out of insecurity, the test we face is equally for them. Will they lift us up and propel us further than they have been? I’ll talk more about fathering in the chapters to come, but for now, I want to focus on the wilderness trial of dealing with Sauls, and then walking out the pain of being at the scary end of a Saul’s insecure rampage.
It’s one thing to raise people from orphans, but the real test is what fathers and mothers do when they mature and become powerful. In our years of raising up world changers in our school, we have seen time and time again people surpass us, and it blesses us, but if we got insecure, we could potentially be the greatest threat to their calling.
PINOCHIO’S CONUNDRUM
The story of Pinocchio has always spoken to me in an unusual way because I felt like a puppet on strings in the institutional church setting, but especially to the spiritual fathers I submitted, knowing they wanted something from me. In the story of Pinocchio , these are the characters and whom they represent in this context:
- Pinocchio—orphan (not real son) who desperately wants to prove himself. Nose grows when he lies, which shows how Pinocchio sees his personal shame as external.
- Geppetto—Father God who desires family at any cost and loves even when we stray from Him.
- Jiminy Cricket—the voice of the Holy Spirit who tells us right from wrong.
- Stromboli—the counterfeit father who controls, extorts, and uses Pinocchio for money and gain.
There is a strange dynamic and almost a synergy between the orphan and the counterfeit father in that they are both looking to each other. The orphan desires validation while the insecure father wants people he can control and manipulate for his devices to use as steppingstones for his goals and dreams. I know this because I was Pinocchio, desperately wanting a father figure’s approval. I would have done anything for it, even if I was oppressed in it.
Many years ago, when I was beginning to realize this unhealthy dynamic, I had a call from a friend of mine who said, “I have a word for you.”
“Okay, great what is it?” I said.
He replied in a comedic way, “The Lord says, ‘You’re a real boy!’”
This strange word really blessed me and made me sever a tie I had a with a Stromboli in my life. I didn’t need strings. I didn’t need flattery and false validation at the cost of my destiny. That day, I stopped trying to find fathers and began to pursue the Father.
TOUCH NOT GOD’S ANOINTED
So how do you pass the test when dealing with a Saul? I have asked God that for years as I’ve walked through some of the most painful woundings by people I trusted and gave my all to serve. The answer is actually found in 1 Samuel 24, where David finds Saul sleeping in a cave and instead of killing him cuts off a piece of his robe and then walks away.
Then David went out of the cave and called out to Saul, “My lord the king!” When Saul looked behind him, David bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground. He said to Saul, “Why do you listen when men say, ‘David is bent on harming you’? This day you have seen with your own eyes how the Lord delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, ‘I will not lay my hand on my lord, because he is the Lord’s anointed’” (1 Samuel 24:8–10).
What David did was more than just fueled by the fear of the Lord not to touch God’s anointed. It was fueled by his love and honor for someone who betrayed and dishonored him. The fruit? Saul was repentant, for a while at least.
BETRAYAL’S POISON
Only three years ago, I faced a deep betrayal from a close brother. I didn’t see it coming at all. It hurt so deeply that I felt lost in the pain and dishonor of it and wanted to give up ministry altogether. I felt done because the road of trials had finally hit its peak. In the middle of that, we happened to be in the States and were invited to lunch with good friends of ours who had no idea of the situation. Halfway through catching up, one of our friends said, “I need to give you something,” and he took off his jacket and gave it to me. As soon as I put it on, I began to cry. It was the presence and anointing! I felt the covering of a brother over me where I had been exposed. Then he handed me his recently acquired black belt in martial arts and said, “This kind of warfare will not take you out ever again!”
In 1 Samuel 18:4, Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing—along with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt—and gave them all to David. It was a sign of friendship, covenant, and honor while Jonathan’s own father was operating in fear, jealousy, and insecurity.
It was the seed of honor David needed to continue acting in honor toward someone who wasn’t acting honorably toward him. Think about the story of where Saul was chasing David and David found him sleeping in a cave. Instead of killing Saul, he cut off a corner of his tunic to show that he would act honorably even when Saul didn’t. Honor is an art I don’t feel like we have fully tapped into yet, but it is a key component for reformers because we will meet many Sauls in our journey, but how we deal with them will be the test.
Have you encountered a Saul in your life? Someone who should have been a leader, mentor, father, or mother but because of insecurity actually warred against you? Have you experienced witchcraft like I spoke about but didn’t understand the symptoms? Pray Isaiah 54:17 today over yourself and rebuke every word curse, forgive the Sauls, and ask Holy Spirit to help you move on.
Dishonor comes in many ways and forms. Here are three examples from the Bible:
- Joseph’s brothers were so jealous of him that they threw him in a pit and then sold him into slavery.
- David’s brother Eliab was so jealous of David being anointed king that he spoke nasty hateful words when he was thinking of taking down Goliath.
- Absalom was so power hungry and jealous of his dad that he raised an army against his own father and sought to kill him!
HONOR IS CURRENCY IN A TRIAL
David used honor to see Saul in the way God saw Saul, even when Saul didn’t see it himself. That’s what honor is at its core, seeing and treating someone according to what God says about them and not according to their shortcomings or actions. I am so grateful for starting to learn this in the middle of my greatest seasons of attack and wilderness. I’m glad I’m learning how to honor those who don’t honor me back.
I remember the first time I applied this in a moment of dishonor, and to be honest, it didn’t feel satisfying at all. My innate sense of justice roaring in me was wanting to let this person know how wrongly they had treated me, but God’s Band-Aids and healing balms often look different to ours. The Saul test we all go through is will we throw a javelin back when one is thrown at us? Will we touch God’s anointed when they abuse or hurt us? Will we throw them under a bus when they have placed us in oncoming traffic?
If you are going through this trial, here are some practical actions of honor.
- Don’t speak badly about those who have spoken badly about you.
- Speak to who they are. It doesn’t excuse what they did, but it keeps your heart right.
- Bless them. Send them flowers or a gift.
- Break off the words and betrayal. That’s honoring yourself.
- Break the soul tie. This detaches you spiritually from them, their ownership of you and their judgment, and it removes the ceiling they placed over you.
It’s only when you are dishonored that you truly learn how to honor. It’s in a moment of potential bitterness that you choose to not prescribe the same poison to others they inflicted upon you. Can you be a reformational voice who speaks truth in boldness but also honors? Right now, the Father is releasing double honor upon you where you have been dishonored.
If you have been through this trial or are still walking through it, you need to know that God has not abandoned you. That lie will keep you in obscurity for the rest of your life if you let it. Today, ask the Father to encounter you in a new way, release your wounds, let them stay behind you so you can finally move on into what God has called you to without being tethered another day to the past.
